We're 4 weeks old!!! (33 weeks gestational age)

Kai entertaining herself in the NICU lobby.

Kennedy in an open isolette.

"I can stay warm all by myself!" (Kennedy)

Kamryn in her open isolette.

"Look at me in clothes" (Kamryn)

BIG CHANGES THIS WEEK. Check out the isolettes...they are now open and the girls have almost completely mastered maintaining their own temperatures. Preemies are not able to maintain their temperatures because of their low birth weight and premature body functions so up until this point the girls have been in closed isolettes (make-shift wombs) with heaters that keep them as warm as they are supposed to be. The staff slowly lowers the temperatures of the heaters throughout the first weeks and gets the babies to work on stying warm by themselves. Having open isolettes is a HUGE step forward because this means are very close to co-bedding. Woohoo! I know my girls miss each other. I can't wait to have them together again! The girls are also in clothes everyday now. Uh oh! I am trying to control my shop-a-holic nature but preemie clothes are just to cute!!!! I am really trying to keep the shopping under control. Grandma Pam is just as bad as me...I guess that's where I get it from. She has called me everyday this week to tell me that she had just bought a new preemie outfit lol!

Big sister Kai is doing well. She will not leave my side lol! She has always been my little sidekick but these days if I even look like I am about to leave the house she is running to put her shoes on. Poor kid, I think she is still a little traumatized by my inpatient stay lol! When we go out to the NICU she wants to go...even though she has to wait in the lobby. She has been so well behaved there and has even made a few friends with the other NICU families. I hate to have to drag her out there but she definitely seems to enjoy it so it works out fine. I just wish Lamarr and I got to see the girls together instead of one of us going in at a time. Oh well, we will all have plenty of time together at home soon enough.

First bath & water therapy!!!

Kennedy swaddled and in the bath for the first time.

"Hold on mom, I want to stretch a little" (Kennedy)

Kennedy getting her hair washed.

Kamryn swaddled and in her first real bath.

"What are you doing to me?" (Kamryn)

"Hey mom I think I like this!" (Kamryn)

Awesome day at the NICU. I got to bathe both girls for the first time. I was soooooo nervous. I have been saying that a lot lately. You would think Kam & Ken were my first kids. Having preemies is a whole new experience and all the little things I sort of took for granted with Kai are such big deals. Thank goodness G-mama was able to come to the NICU and help out and take pictures. Bathing a preemie is nothing like bathing a full-term baby. The water is first warmed up to 2 degrees higher than normal body temperature. The babies go in to the bath (the cutest little Tupperware container ever) swaddled and then slowly the blanket is loosened up and they bathe. It is done this way so that the baby doesn't freak out but can sort of slowly acclimate themselves to the water. The girls had the funniest looks on their faces. I bet they were thinking "What are you doing to me mom?". After a few minutes in the water they seemed to really enjoy themselves. They started to kick and play. After the soap up we got to do water therapy. I slowly poured water over them and they got to relax and enjoy it. Last I washed their hair. These are some of my favorite pictures by far. Enjoy the pics of their spa day.

Look at me...I'm cannula free!!!!

Kennedy - 26 days old.

Kennedy came off the nasal cannula yesterday and is doing quite well breathing on her own. Her oxygen saturation is in the high 90's most of the day. Not bad for the little sister!!!! We are hoping that big sister Kamryn will be following in her footsteps soon. It is so nice to see more and more tubes come out. Can't wait to see their pretty little faces completely free of tubes and lines!

We love nurse Kristy!!!! Photo shoot - 25 days old.

Who's who?

"Am I looking in a mirror?"

"Mom....she's touching me!"

"Give me a kiss Kamryn!"

Even though the girls aren't quite ready to co-bed nurse Kristy let us put the girls together for another quick photo shoot. She is so cool! Our shirts say "If you think I'm cute you should see my twin". The girls really enjoyed being together. I can't wait until they can officially co-bed!!!

My Dearest Kai Kai...

Happy Face

Thinking Face

Sneaky Face

Sad Face

Mad Face

Angel Face

My Dearest Kai,

I love you more than words can say! You have been such a trooper over the last 3 months as we worked to get your sisters here safely. You were so excited when we took you out for ice cream last November and told you that you were going to be a big sister. That excitement has not faded a bit and you practice changing diapers and feeding your babies daily so that you will be ready to help when Kamryn &Kennedy come home. Thank you for being such a trooper through all of this. You have been so great about everything like my long hospital stay and the long waits in the NICU lobby while daddy and I take turns visiting the girls. I know there are so many things you don’t quite understand but in time you will. You are going to be the best big sister ever! I can’t wait to see you interact with the girls and teach them all about life.

As I said before when I met Kamryn and Kennedy I felt my heart triple in size. I was honestly concerned that I could never love any one as much as I love you but every one assured me I would and they were right. However, the love I have for you will always be a special kind of love. You are my first daughter and my first teacher. You have taught me how to be a mom. You have taught me how to be SUPERWOMAN and that I really can do it all. Thank you for your patience as I learned and made mistakes. I know I will make many more mistakes but that little smiley face you have always makes it all better.

The pictures above are from Monday when you stayed home from school. We played mommy’s favorite game…PHOTO SHOOT!!!! I love capturing all of your facial expressions. You are so animated and have such a personality. You are my little model.

Things are about to dramatically change (in a good way) once your sisters come home. I know you will roll with all the changes and learn to share mommy and daddy’s attention.

I hope you will always know how much I adore you!

I LOVE YOU!

Mom

We're 3 weeks old!!!! (32 weeks gestational)

REUNITED!

Kennedy (left) and Kamryn (right) reunited. "Hey sis, I missed you!"

Kennedy & Kamryn 20 days old (I don't know how we are ever going to be able to tell these two apart).

Today was a day of very mixed emotions. It was a hard day but a happy day!I got to the NICU and nurse Kristi had my girls today. She is my favorite NICU nurse. I like her because she is very experienced and REALLY knows my girls well but she is also laid back and let's me take the lead with the girl's "cares". Cares are what they call the interaction with the girls every three hours (feeding, changing diapers and checking temperatures). I did Kennedy's cares, kangarood her, went to pump and then got busy with Kamryn's cares. I settled in the chair and was kangarooing Kai when nurse Kristi says "Mom I have a surprise for you". She opened up the curtain and had little Kennedy in her hands. I was so excited to have them "meet" again outside of the womb. That song "REUNITED" by Peaches n Herb was playing in my head lol! Kennedy sniffed around a little and tried to check out her sister. She reached out for her a couple of times. Kamryn peacefully slept through the whole event lol! It's just like old times...in the womb Kennedy had all the room and was a wild woman while her sister found a cozy place as low as she could get in my tummy and relaxed trying not to be kicked and punched by her sister lol! I can't describe it but something just felt so right about holding them both together...it's like it all sank in and I felt complete. I got to kangaroo them both for about 10 minutes and nurse Kristi took lots of pics. Since both girls are still on oxygen we couldn't keep Kennedy off to long. When we got her back on all the monitors the nurse commented that she tolerated being off very well. Woohoo! Hopefully its not long until they are co-bedded. We can't wait!

The day was extra emotional for me because today is the day I was SUPPOSED to deliver. Today the girls are 32 weeks. Instead of being 20 days old the girls were supposed to just be making their debut to the world. I can't help but think about the "what ifs" and wonder what their NICU journey would be like if I had been able to hold them in 20 more days. Don't get me wrong, I know how blessed we are to have them here but I can't help but feel a little guilt about not carrying them longer. When I started having those contractions 3 days before I delivered I felt like the worst mom in the world, like my body was rejecting my own babies. I knew the doctors were doing all they could to keep them in but I also knew that the contractions were not going to stop. I remember crying so hard about all that my little ones were about to go through in the NICU. When we delivered and I got to see the chords with my own eyes (and the doctors told us we only had about another 12-24 hours left before losing one or both) I knew that in a way my body was telling me and the medical team that we needed to get the babies out so part of me is thankful for those contractions to. My head knows I did all I could for them...now it's just convincing my heart. I have to remember that hormones have a lot to do with my feelings and emotions and that in time these feelings will fade, especially once my girls are home. It feels good to get these feelings out to. I thank God everyday for a husband who is willing to listen to me go on and on no matter how many times I need to talk/cry about it and for family and friends who are so amazingly supportive. I just learned from my medical social worker that most momo moms experience varying levels of Post Traumatic Stress Disorder because of such a traumatic pregnancy and NICU experience and all the stress involved. Mine seems to be very mild compared to most and I really do seem to be feeling better every day. Prayer works!

Lots of you have asked why NICU life is like so I thought I would write about it. I debated whether I should sugar-coat it but I won't. NICU life sucks! let me start off my saying I thank God everyday that there is such a thing as a NICU and the technology to save these babies because my girls couldn't survive without all the intervention they are getting...with that being said the NICU makes me sad. I walk in and I see the other parents with the same worried but hopeful looks on their face. We smile at each other in the halls and the pods but I can tell we are all just as scared. There is always at least one mom crying and my heart just aches for them because I can relate to what they are going through. Luckily we have an AMAZING staff that encourage us to be hands on. They never make us feel bad if we can't make it out one day and are always encouraging us to take care of ourselves while they are taking care of our girls. They seem to genuinely enjoy taking care of the girls and are always positive.

Well I should go...Kai is ready to make brownies. Thanks for listening. More later.

We are 3lbs! You go girls!!!!

Kennedy at 3lbs!

Kamryn at 3lbs (super pooper in action...check out that face!)


Update!Update!

Kamryn and Kennedy both weigh in at a whopping 3lbs today. WOOHOO!!!! You go girls! Mommy and Daddy are so proud of you!

Both girls are doing well. They are off the TPN (IV nutrition) and are drinking breast milk only with a human nilk supplement to boost their calorie intake). Both have all PICC lines and IV's out and are averaging between 21-25% on oxygen. They are both also out from under the billi lights and are a bright healthy pink due to all the new blood from their transfusions. They are starting to stay awake for a little longer each day and are both showing their personalities.

The main problem the staff is having these days are diaper blowouts. Apparently Lamarr and I have some SUPER POOPERS. The are still so small that they need the micro preemie diapers but they poop so much they can fill a regular preemie diaper. The nurses say they don't know what to do anymore lol!!! This is a good thing though...it means the plumbing is definitely working lol!!!!!

Thank you for all the prayers! Below is a list of specific prayer requests that some of you have asked for...
-Please pray for health for Lamarr, Kai and I. We have to stay healthy so that we can visit the girls. In the last 3 weeks Lamarr (who is NEVER sick) has been sick twice and Kai currently has a cough/cold. Please pray for health for our home.

-Please pray that Kam & Ken continue to tolerate their feeds and GAIN WEIGHT!

-Please pray that Kam & Ken grow out of the Apenea and Braychardia.

-Please pray that Kam & Ken can come off the oxygen help in the next 2 weeks and breathe room air completely on their own.

-Please pray that Kam & Ken's eyes are not affected by the prolonged use of oxygen.

THANK YOU!!!!

happy VALENTINE'S day! We're 2 weeks old!!! (31 weeks gestational age)

Mmmm, heart pizza! Is there a better Valentine's dinner?

Big sister Kai - Valentine's Day overload!

Daddy and Kennedy - Kangaroo Care (Mommy's new favorite pic!)

Our first time holding the girls (Daddy and Kennedy)

Daddy was nervous but Kennedy wasn't. She loved hanging out on daddy's chest.

Mommy and Kamryn - Kangaroo Care

This little face is heart melting. Mommy tried not drowned the baby in her happy tears.

Daddy's first diaper change (Kennedy).

Kamryn stretching out. "This eating and growing stuff is hard work!"

More stretches (Kamryn).

Valentine's day has been my favorite holiday since I was in 6th grade...I even love it more than Christmas. I don't listen to my husband when he jokes that Valentine's Day isn't a real holiday. It is it is!!!! I think it's the hopeless romantic in me that loves celebrating a day that is all about LOVE! Before the girls I would have wanted a nice piece of jewelry, a romantic weekend get-away or something of that nature. Funny how things change after you have kids. This Valentine's Day was simple but amazing. We dropped Kai off with her grandparents and headed out to the NICU for a few hours. Since its so far away its nice that Lamarr and I have time to talk and process everything during the ride. At the NICU we got to do the girls "cares" (change their diapers, take their temperatures and feed them through their feeding tubes). We also got to do Kangaroo Care. This is where you hold the babies skin-to-skin on your chest. It is supposed to be very beneficial for the babies but I think the real benefit is for the parents. Holding my baby is something that I sort of just took for granted, after all I got to hold Kai within seconds after she was born. I will never forget the feeling when they set this slimy warm baby in my chest :). Well when you have preemies that are rushed to the NICU as soon as they are delivered you realize what a privilege it is to hold your little ones. I kangarooed first with Kamryn. Lamarr was a little nervous and wanted me to go first. It's quite a process getting these little ones out of the incubators with all the chords but soon enough she was comfortably in my shirt. As soon as she was settled in I burst in to tears which scared poor Lamarr. I assured him they were happy tears. So many thoughts flooded my mind. I thought about how our specialist had talked to us about termination at our first 4 visits. I know this was her job but I am just so glad that Lamarr and I had the faith and the courage to go through with this pregnancy and try for a successful outcome. What if we had not been so strong. We wouldn't be experiencing this day. I also thought about the longest 29 weeks ever to get them here and everything we all had been through. They were definitely tears of happiness for making it this far. I have learned so much about myself from these girls and they are only 14 days old.

Next it was Lamarr's turn to do Kennedy's cares. He was so nervous changing her diaper. You would have thought he never changed a diaper before lol!!! He totally forgot how to do it and we had to walk him through it lol!!!! He didn't realize how strong the girls are. He went to check Kennedy's temperature under her arm. He gently tried to pick up her arm and she pulled it back down. She is a feisty one! She loved the kangaroo care. She stayed awake almost the whole time and she would look up at Lamarr as he gently talked to her. Since the girls tolerated the kangaroo care so well we will now be able to hold them every visit for one hour a day.

Big day for the girls! Today the girls were taken off the TPN (IV nutrition) and the Lipids (fats) and are on breast milk only. In a few days they will start to add a supplement to my breast milk to give the girls the extra calories they need. If all goes well and the girls can tolerate it they will get their PICC lines out and will only have the nasal cannula tube (clear tubes in their nose) and the feeding tubes. Woohoo!!!! Kamryn is a whopping 2lbs14oz and Kennedy is a whopping 2lbs15oz. Almost 3 pounders!!!!! Kamryn had a blood transfusion today. Apparently babies are born with all the blood they need for the first three months of life and at about 3 months old they start to produce more. Well since preemies need so many blood draws for labs they often become anemic and need transfusions. The doctors have been preparing is for this possibility since birth so we felt prepared but still a little worried. Luckily the transfusion went well. Kennedy does not need a transfusion yet but they anticipate that she will within a day or so. She likes to do everything a day or so after her sister lol!

We spent the evening at G-daddy and G-mama's house. We had lasagna and heart pizza. Mmmm. We watched Madagascar 2 (Kai's favorite movie) and The Hulk. I dozed off here and there during the movies. So nice to relax after such a long day. When we got home Lamarr had gifts for Kai and I. He got me a pedicure...YAY!!!! 40 days in the hospital does a number on your feet! They are in desperate need of some TLC! Kai got a bunch of stuff she doesn't need...play dough, candy, etc...you know...stuff that only daddy's pick out lol!. Still is was very sweet. Wish I had got him more than a card lol!!! Oh well, he doesn't believe it is a real holiday anyway lol!!!

Thank you so much for all your prayers. God is good and the prayers are definitely working!!!! Keep em coming!

Never thought I would be excited to change a diaper.

Uh oh! (Kamryn's first accident...note the poop on the diaper that went through all the sheets lol!)

Changing Kamryn's diaper for the first time.

Changing Kennedy's diaper for the 1st time.

What a great day at the NICU. I finally worked up the courage to handle the girls. Before today I was a little afraid to touch them because they are so small. I got to change both of the girl's diapers, take their temperatures and feed Kennedy (through her feeding tube). Though I was very nervous it felt very natural to take care of them. I almost forgot how small they are. I also can see that they really aren't as fragile as I think they are.

Kennedy is a wild woman. She stayed awake for the whole feed (about 20 minutes). She looked back and forth from G-mama to me, she stretched, yawned, coughed and even spit up for us lol!!! She is such a cutie pie. G-mama said she wwas under strict orders not to cry...she didn't follow those orders lol!!!!

Kamryn is the mellow one. She barely woke up to get her diaper changed even though she had pooped through the diaper, the sheets...all the way down to the matress lol!!! She finally opened her eyes once I had her diaper back on. This is the first time I have ever seen her eyes. I was so excited!!! She is a cutie pie to. I am hoping she remains mellow. I have a feeling that Kennedy is going to be another Kai...I can't handle three of those lol!

The girls are still on 21% oxygen (room air) with a little help from the nasal cannula (1/4 liter of pressure every 2 hours). Kamryn was struggling a little bit today which made me nervous. The nurse turned up the pressure a little and soon she was back to breathing without any struggle.

Kennedy still suffers from the Apnea and Bradychardia spells. She holds her breath or forgets to breath which causes her heart rate to drop significantly. Luckily she has always fixed it quickly on her own. Kamryn has not had any A's and B's at all thank God. The nurses and doctors assure me that this is a very typical and common preemie thing and that they will grow out of it by about 34 weeks. I can't wait for that...when those alarms go off I panic a little inside.

They girls seem to be taking turns under the billirubin lights. Kamryn was off for a while but her labs came back the the jaundice was back so she is back under the lights. Kennedy is off the lights for now. I am hoping they are both over the jaundice soon.

The girls will have their 2nd round of brain scans this week. I am praying the slightly enlarged ventricles are no longer swollen and that there are still no brain bleeds.

Thursday we will get to hold the girls for the first time. I am so nervous but so excited. They are also chowing down like pros. They have been bumped up to 10cc's (2 teaspoons) of breastmilk every 3 hours. This is great since 7 days ago they were on 1cc every 3 hours. They are both tolerating their feeds well. Now I am worried about producing enough to keep up with them. Pumping is my life these days lol!

I am feeling so much better this week. I think I am about 75% back to normal. I had a doctor appointment on Monday and my incision is healing really well. My blood pressure is also almost back to normal. I still have some MAJOR swelling in my legs and feet. They look like elephant feet. I am almost tempted to post a picture of them. What do you call it when it's worse than cankles???? lol! Emotionally I am feeling much better to. I do have a lot of anxiety and I know it has a lot to do with the post pardum hormones and the uncertainty of the girls health being so early. I am feeling up to having company now and even went out to Happy Hour with Chenetta after my doctor's appointment. It felt really good to get out and talk about the girls but also talk about other stuff like work, family, etc. I can't wait to feel 100% physically and to start driving again. It is hard to be so dependent on others as an adult!

Kai is doing pretty well. She has picked up the habit of talking back whenever she is disciplined. I have to admit it is driving me crazy. It's hard to know what to ignore, what to address and how much of this is brought on because of all of the changes that have happened recently. Bedtime has been a chore. She is back to taking about 2 hours to fall asleep. We keep bumping up her bedtime. Pretty soon she is going to be going to bed while it is still daytime. I don't want to make her get in bed before 7:45 but she is really testing me. Tonight she is in her own room. This is new for her and for me. I have gotten so used to having her in bed but it is getting to a point where she needs sleep. She is a nightmare in the morning if she doesn't get her 10+ hours. Maybe having her in her own room will do the trick.

Thanks for the prayers. Keep em coming!

We're 1 week old!

Kennedy - 1 week old (don't I look bigger than 2lbs!)

Kamryn - 1 week old (yes, I suck my thumb)

Wow what a week! The girls have changed so much and they are only 7 days old. They started on the ventilators but came off of those at 22 hours old. The doctors have slowly decreased how much help the girls need (oxygen) and now both are on 21% room air only with about 1 liter of pressure every 2 hours to help them out. They are both on caffeine to help with Apnea and Bradychardia. This is where they stop breathing and cause a decrease in their heart rates. Kennedy is suffering from the A&B spells. So far Kamryn has not. This is so scary but luckily Kennedy has always recovered on her own. Both girls had brain scans this week to check for brain bleeds which are common with preemies. The scans came back showing no bleeds but it did show that the two major ventricles in both girl's brains are slightly enlarged. The doctor says she is not worried and has asked us not to worry as well. Easier said than done. I am praying that by their next scan (next week) that this enlargement will have gone away. The girls started on breast milk at 3 days old. Kamryn had no problems but Kennedy was not tolerating it the first day. Thankfully both are tolerating their feeds well and are up to 6cc's (a tiny bit bigger than a teaspoonful every 3 hours). Both girls got their PICC lines and so far they are causing no problems.

As you can see in Kamryn's picture we had to gently strap her down. When she was about 4 days old we looked over and she was up on her knees pushing her little butt up in the air. I wish I could have gotten a piture of it. It was amazing....no 4 day old who was 11 weeks early should be strong enough to do that. They strap her down because that was way to luch of a workout for her lol!!! Silly girl!

I still can't believe I gave birth a week ago. I keep catching myself thinking I am still pregnant lol! My recovery has been very hard. The pain from the c-section is pretty mild thanks for the drugs they gave me. I am on Vicoden and Ibuprofen right now and need them both. I plan to wean myself off the vicoden in about another week but the ibuprofen I will probably need for a while. the worst part of this recovery is the swelling of my feet and hands. Sometimes they get so red and swollen I swear they are going to pop. I told Lamarr I would rather push out 10 babies than go through a c-section again. The doctors warned me that my recovery would be far worse than others because I was on strict bed rest so long. They say it will take 2-3 weeks for this swelling to go away...YIKES!!!

Mentally recovery has been hard to. I know I have sort of closed myself off from everyone this week. All of this has been much harder mentally than I thought. Don't worry though...I am talking it all out with Lamarr. I am so thankful to have a husband who will sit down and listen whenever I need it. And, when I am feeling anxious he is there to reassure me. He probably thinks I am crazy (lol!)...luckily he would never say that to me. I know I will be alright and I am sure I will be up for visitors in a week or so.

Hardest day of my life.

Kamryn chillin'


Kennedy giving mommy's hand a squeeze before we left.

You would think that after 39 days of laying in this hospital bed I would be running out of here before the ink was even dry on the discharge papers. I want to be home so badly with Kai and Lamarr yet I want to be here with the girls. Lamarr and I went down to the NICU for about an hour before I officially left the hospital today. I was ok while we were there with the girls but had a total break down in the car. It is the most unnatural feeling in the world to give birth and leave the hospital without your babies. I know they are in the best place possible but still that doesn't give me enough comfort to want to leave them. The NICU staff is amazing and really helped to assure me that going home and getting well is the absolute best thing I can do with the girls. I know this in my head but can't seem to communicate that to my heart. Even though I can't hold them I want to sit there and stare at them 24/7. I can't wait to get back here on Friday to see them.

Lamarr got me settled in and then went to pick up Kai. She is so happy to have me home. I couldn't move much so she just climbed on the couch with me and cuddled. Wow, it feels good to be home!!! I am going to try not to call the NICU every 20 minutes even though I want to. I know the nurses are very busy taking care of our miracles.

Off the vents already!

Kai meets her sisters for the first time (outside the NICU)


Kamryn (0ff the ventilator and getting a tan)


Kennedy (off the ventilator)

The girls came off the ventilators at 22 hours old and are breathing oxygen through their nose. The doctors and nurses say this is excellent for 29 weekers. Thank God for that 2nd round of steroids! This is what is called the "honeymoon period" so they have the chance of going back on the vents but for now they are holding their own. Kamryn is on about 34% cannula and Kennedy is on about 55%. We breathe 21% room air so they are not to far behind us. I must say I was VERY surprised to see them off the vents today. It's a little scary to see their little chests moving up and down with such force now that they are breathing on their own but the staff assures us this is a good workout for them.

Both girls are getting a tan under the billirubin lights lol!!! They have jaundice (just like their older sisiter did) so the lights will work to get it out of their system quickly. They anticipate that they will spend 1-2 weeks under the lights.

Kai got to meet her sisters for the first time today. She is to young to go in to the NICU so they opened the windows and wheeled the girls over. Up until this point she didn't believe that I had had the babies, especially since I am so swollen and still look pregnant. She started to cry after seeing them. I think she is a little overwhelmed by it all to. Can't wait until she can see them up close. Can't wait to have my house full of girls driving Lamarr crazy!